if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
