I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
