I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
