I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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