How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
