I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
