@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
