i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
