you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
