dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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