Kiss
Puke
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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