I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
