A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
