She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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