every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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