whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
