sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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