I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
