I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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