I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Is it because I queefed?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
