Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
