I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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