So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
