you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
