my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
