one word: firstdatebathroomanal
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
