so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Pants are for mortals
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
