There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
