some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
