Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
