I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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