The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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