I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
