My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
