you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
