fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
