Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
