I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
