What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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