All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
