It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
