I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
