Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
