don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
