i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
