were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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