HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
