He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
