Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
