I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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